Goals and Me

Blah blah blah, I’m bad at keeping up with the blogging.

*Fish update: Rocky died last night. I took the baby fish to the store yesterday because they were starting to crowd the tank. That is the definition of irony.

Okay, goals for me. I’m 26 and a half. I have a well paying job. I have a solid base of friends, though two of them are in grad school and one of them moved to England. But they’re following their goals, so I guess I can’t complain (I mean, I could. And I do). I have a very wonderful boyfriend. And my family is good. Could be better. Has been worse, by far.

Following these, I would like to keep this well paying job while it suits me. Gives me great health care, something that would be awesome to share with a family, which I’d like to have someday. Generally, being a full time writer does not have great benefits.

My favorite author, Aimee Bender, is a teacher at USC. She’s forty. She’s written two short story books and one novel. I want to be like her. I want to have books published that people like me would like. Not so sure about the teaching college bit.

Aimee coming into my life was totally by chance. I was ordering books for a writing seminar from Amazon, and her book came up for some reason and it had a cool cover: http://www.amazon.com/Girl-Flammable-Skirt-Stories/dp/0385492162/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240292084&sr=8-1 (BTW, am not supposed to use Amazon since that gay/lesbian book thing? Or was that just an innocent screw up?). So anyway, I bought the book, and fell in love with her totally crazy writing.

I don’t think I believe in fate, but there have definitely been some instances in my life when it’s screaming at me pretty loudly.

I also want to be like Conan. That was my whole plan when I was in high school. Well, my plan was actually sleep with Conan, but that went up in smoke when he got married. Also, I was seventeen. And lived on the wrong coast.

But if I could somehow have my own show, that would be awesome. I miss it. It’s been about 10 years since the I had my show in high school.

But that’s not really my goal, since I know that that lifestyle comes with a lot of sacrifices. But I can’t deny that being Conan was/is a goal of mine.

I was at a party on Saturday, and there were a few times where I was telling a story, don’t remember what story, but nothing earth shattering. And people were listening to me. Intently. More than just being polite, I know what that looks like. I’d forgotten how intoxicating that is, to have people looking at you and interested in what you have to say.

I remember the first time that happened. I was pretty young, like seven or so. I was at the local pool in the high school a few blocks from my house. For some reason, there weren’t many children there. I don’t recall why that was, but it was pretty much just me, a couple other kids, and a few high school/college aged lifeguards. I’d just been to the county fair, and was telling them about my trip inside the freak show tent. I was describing the woman who had no head, just a body with some wires coming out of the top. Now, I knew that she wasn’t real, but I was selling it to the crowd like I would swear my life on the fact that she was as real as the day is long, or the diving pool is deep. And *teenagers* were listening to me. *Teenagers*! They were staring at me intently. I couldn’t believe it. It felt so good. It felt like power. And I wanted more.

That was probably the beginning of my—my what? I don’t really think I desperately cry for attention. I don’t go for the lowest common denominator. I was never really the class clown, and I’m not well known for making power grabs.

I guess I like being that unassuming person in the corner who you probably won’t give a second glance at, but if you do, I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to make you laugh so hard you’ll pee your pants.

I’m definitely obsessed with pleasing other people. Half my days are probably spent trying to figure out how to make things work so that everyone’s happy. Well, not everyone, but the people in my life.

Anyway, my goals are this:

*Have a piece published in a magazine before the end of the decade
*Keep the friends I have
*Get married and have kids before the end of the following decade
*Have my family in a good place
*Take more naps in the sun