The weather bores most people. It gets talked about a lot as small talk, but no one really enjoys the conversation. But for me, weather transcends small talk.
It affects how I operate. And I mean that more than like ‘Oh, it’s cold today, maybe we won’t go on that picnic after all’. I mean, I can’t even get in the shower before I know what the weather is going to be, specifically in the area that I live in, or, if I’m going somewhere that day, I need to know what it’s like there.
Once I get the temp, I can use The Chart to determine what I’ll be wearing that day. And then once I know what I’ll be wearing, I can determine how much shaving will have to occur. Of course, other things factor into shaving, but that’s a large part of it.
The Chart is a small piece of paper, about the size of a large postage stamp, that’s taped underneath my desk, next to the drawer, in a place not easy to see, but readable. It’s there because I don’t like to advertise my ridiculous ways. You should feel privileged that I’m even telling you this. Here’s what it says:
78 or above-tank top
73-shorts
68 or below-long sleeved shirt
67-shoes
59-big jacket and gloves
Ha. I just did that from memory. ‘Why have a chart, then?’ you ask. Shut your stupid face, is what I answer. It’s there because it’s always been there. I can’t remember how long I’ve had it, since high school at least, although I definitely remember watching the news in the morning in middle school (before the internet) and waiting for them to tell me the weather. My father once questioned me about this. He said “Why do you wake up earlier than necessary just to watch the news? Not a lot’s changed since you watched the last night, you could just watch the news then.”
Now, normally my dad is a very smart person, but this particular sentence struck me, even at the age of twelve, as very US-centric. What a strange thing, to think that nothing happened in eight hours.
I didn’t answer. He couldn’t know about The Weather Chart. No one could.
So I’ve been immaculately dressed for the weather ever since. The Chart doesn’t fail.
And it never will.
Kthxbai.
It affects how I operate. And I mean that more than like ‘Oh, it’s cold today, maybe we won’t go on that picnic after all’. I mean, I can’t even get in the shower before I know what the weather is going to be, specifically in the area that I live in, or, if I’m going somewhere that day, I need to know what it’s like there.
Once I get the temp, I can use The Chart to determine what I’ll be wearing that day. And then once I know what I’ll be wearing, I can determine how much shaving will have to occur. Of course, other things factor into shaving, but that’s a large part of it.
The Chart is a small piece of paper, about the size of a large postage stamp, that’s taped underneath my desk, next to the drawer, in a place not easy to see, but readable. It’s there because I don’t like to advertise my ridiculous ways. You should feel privileged that I’m even telling you this. Here’s what it says:
78 or above-tank top
73-shorts
68 or below-long sleeved shirt
67-shoes
59-big jacket and gloves
Ha. I just did that from memory. ‘Why have a chart, then?’ you ask. Shut your stupid face, is what I answer. It’s there because it’s always been there. I can’t remember how long I’ve had it, since high school at least, although I definitely remember watching the news in the morning in middle school (before the internet) and waiting for them to tell me the weather. My father once questioned me about this. He said “Why do you wake up earlier than necessary just to watch the news? Not a lot’s changed since you watched the last night, you could just watch the news then.”
Now, normally my dad is a very smart person, but this particular sentence struck me, even at the age of twelve, as very US-centric. What a strange thing, to think that nothing happened in eight hours.
I didn’t answer. He couldn’t know about The Weather Chart. No one could.
So I’ve been immaculately dressed for the weather ever since. The Chart doesn’t fail.
And it never will.
Kthxbai.
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